Recommendation Etiquette

by Karen Anne Hott

I’m an independent educational consultant and the founder of Two Bridges College Consulting. Before going into college advising, I taught AP English Language & Composition, standard and honors English, journalism, and newspaper production in a Maryland public high school. Today I love working with students on their college searches, applications, and essays, facilitating the transition from high school to college.

As a former AP English teacher and newspaper adviser, I’ve written scores of recommendation letters, and I can tell you lots of ways NOT to ask for one.

For example? In Naviance, a college planning tool used by many school systems, you can designate which teacher you’d like to write you a recommendation. This triggers an email from Naviance to the teacher that has the effect of saying, “Surprise! Suzy expects you to write her a recommendation.” Do not designate a teacher as a recommender in Naviance until he or she has agreed to write your recommendation.

For the sake of good manners, here are some simple rules students can follow to respectfully ask for recommendations.

1. Think carefully about who would write you the best recommendations.

The teachers should know you well and in a positive light. This doesn’t mean you’re limited to teachers who have given you A’s; any English, math, science, or social studies teacher who can attest to your curiosity, your work ethic, your perseverance, or your contributions to discussion will be a good teacher to ask.

Rarely should the teacher be from 10^th grade or earlier—unless you’ve had a continuing relationship. If you haven’t talked to Mr. Dew since ninth-grade history, he’s not a good choice. But if Mr. Dew is your class sponsor and you’ve been an active class officer year after year, he would be fine. Colleges prefer to see recommendations from teachers of core courses. If you do ask your art teacher for a recommendation, there should be a good reason for doing so, such as planning to major in graphic design.

2. In spring of junior year, find an appropriate time to ask two or three teachers if they’d be willing to write you a letter of recommendation in the fall.

An appropriate time would generally be before or after school. If the teacher seems busy, it’s not a good time to ask. In the spring, you’re only asking if they’d be willing to write it when you start working on college applications in the fall.

For example, I had someone interrupt me when I was in the middle of a lesson with my class. Not appropriate. I’ve also had students interrupt me in the teachers’ lunchroom. Also not appropriate. (You do not want to hear how teachers talk when they’re blowing off steam!)

3. Send a brief thank-you email to each teacher individually to confirm that you’ll follow-up in the fall.

This can be really simple: “Thank you for agreeing to write my college recommendation. I’ll follow up at the start of senior year with all the details.” Check spelling (especially the teacher’s name) and punctuation. Sign it with your first and last name.

Now’s a good time to think about your email address: Handles like “Ih8school@aol” won’t look good to colleges or set the right tone for formal correspondence.

4. In early fall, send separate, individualized formal requests with full details.

Any time you send an email, make sure that the tone is appropriately respectful, that it has all the relevant information, and that you have proofread for sentence structure, spelling, capitalization, and punctuation. Be sure to sign it.

I’ve received recommendation requests from students that contained no capitalization or punctuation—just a run-on sentence that seemed to have been dashed off in seconds. Seriously? Would you like me to put as much care into this recommendation as you did into your request?

The email should include a respectful form of address (“Dear Ms. Doe” or just “Ms. Doe”—but make it clear you know who you’re writing to), your request for a recommendation, why you think this teacher would have good things to say about you, and an idea of when the recommendation needs to be submitted (“I’m applying Early Action to Cool U. and the deadline is November 1, but I hope to have everything in by October 15”). Ask them what they’d like to have from you, such as a résumé or essay. I always asked for an essay that included anecdotes about our interactions.

My prompt: Why do you think that I would write you a good recommendation? Include at least one anecdote about our interactions. The more personality-revealing details you give me (things that aren’t on your transcript or résumé), the better my recommendation can be written. Words like “integrity,” “hard work,” and “perseverance” mean little without anecdotes to support them.

5. Give teachers at least two weeks to write the recommendation.

Teachers are busy and used to multitasking, but remember that, at least in public schools, they aren’t required or paid to write recommendations.

Some students wait till the last minute on everything, including getting their college applications done. Don’t contact a teacher and say that you need a recommendation tomorrow!

6. Once you see that the letter has been uploaded, write an email (following the suggestions in #4) thanking them for the recommendation.

You don’t get to see what the teacher has written, but if you selected wisely, you can assume it will focus on the positives. Later, when all your recommendations are in, write formal thank-you notes on real paper notecards—in pen, not pencil—and, if you wish, give a small gift, but gifts are not necessary or expected. Most teachers just want to know you appreciated the time and care they put into your recommendation.

If you do give a little gift, make it personal. Students who noticed that I drank lots of coffee gave me Starbucks gift cards or coffee mugs.

7. Once colleges start giving you their decisions, tell your recommenders which schools accepted you and, when you’ve decided, which school you will attend in the fall.

They cared enough to write the letter for you; they care about where you will be once you’ve left the nest of high school.

Keep in mind that you are asking the teacher for a favor, and act accordingly—with respect and gratitude.