Disappointed that your phenomenal, amazing child didn’t get into UCLA or Stanford? Stanford’s admit rate was 3.6 percent, and UCLA was 9.4 percent. But your child worked hard to build an impressive record, right? Let’s consider the actual numbers.

Stanford had over 57,000 applications and only about 2,000 were accepted. UCLA had over 145,000 applications and fewer than 14,000 were accepted. Look at the numbers this way:

Stanford: 57,326 applications − 2,067 admitted = 55,259 rejected

UCLA: 145,086 applications − 13,659 admitted = 131,427 rejected

Among UCLA applicants with a 4.39 GPA or higher, just 36% were admitted. And among those who took 22 or more AP/honors courses, the admit rate was only 27%. That means that about two-thirds of these extraordinary students were denied admission. 

Every one of those students who were rejected thought they had a shot at getting in. They had great grades, impressive extracurricular activities, strong essays. Combining the denials from Stanford and UCLA, you get nearly 190,000 excellent students who were not accepted to these two schools.

It’s not a statement about your child. It’s math.

So recognize that the odds—and the numbers—are stacked against applicants. We can’t know why one student was chosen and yours was not. Institutional priorities play a role. Do they need an oboe player? A field-goal kicker for the football team? A geology major? A student from North Dakota to be able to say all 50 states are represented? 

Your student can sense your disappointment, and it feels like you’re disappointed in them, like they aren’t good enough. It’s not fair they didn’t get into Stanford or UCLA. But if they applied wisely, they have good options for the fall. Let them know you’re proud of them, celebrate where they were accepted, and put that disappointment away for good.